In a faraway place and a different time
I killed my first child, a most heinous crime.
The state didn't come, and I didn't stand trial.
Judge Blackmun was calm when he said with a smile,
"Killing is legal, say we the High Court.
But we don't call it murder. Just call it 'abort.'"
The judge in my heart would not let the case rest.
I had no defense when once put to the test.
Found guilty I was by my heart's Supreme Court.
"You murdered your baby!" they screamed in retort.
With tears on my cheeks it was too late, I knew,
To bring back the life of the child I once slew.
The gavel slammed down, and it rang in my head,
"You are guilty as charged, and deserve to be dead."
"We now give you torment to pay for your sin,"
Was the sentence passed down from my own court within.
"You will never escape. You're branded. Don't hide.
Your just due is death. You should try suicide."
I was beaten in prison by daily attack.
I was paying a debt, so I never fought back.
No hope of escaping, and this I knew well.
I cried out to God from my own self-made hell.
That day I met Jesus; He smiled in my face.
He said, "I forgive you. Come and walk in my grace."
"Lord, I believe you forgive me and yet,
Blameless you are, can you pay for my debt?
"And Lord, please don't touch me for I am unclean.
I'm filthy with murder, a most wretched being."
I poured out my story. He showed no surprise.
I gazed up with awe at the love in his eyes.
He said, "I paid for your crime, yes, was nailed to a tree.
There's no condemnation if you'll trust in me.
I took on your blame, and your curse on my soul
So you may be free without judgment, and whole."
I sputtered, "Dear Lord, where's the justice in this?
I killed my first son, and you offer me bliss?"
Tears blurred my vision, yet there in his face
Were eyes of compassion, blue oceans of grace.
I thought to myself, "Now the past has been buried?
I'm free of the guilt that for years I have carried?"
He said to accept. It's a gift that is free.
This is atonement, not justice for me!
My judge was dismissed; my accusers, and jury.
The truth of his love made them leave in a fury.
He smiled, "Walk with me and come learn my way,"
And grasping his hand, I began a new day.
-- Karen Sullivan-Ables
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